i hate how i can't put titles for my posts, and as a result, my archives look so messy. for some reason, blogger doesn't allow me to put titles. :(
@@@
happy belated birthday jingyi!!! sorry i can't be there to celebrate it with you. cheer up alright, dearie? will definitely pia rag with you when i return! arts rag rocks!
@@@
so many birthdays, and this year is suppose to be special for me. 21 - a step into adulthood. and i will be celebrating it away from home. it should be memorable.
i'm feeling pensive. or perhaps reflective is a much better word. i was here in UK 10 years ago. the person i was 10 years before is so different from the person i am now. back then, i was cheerful, full of hope and wishes for the future. full of love and trust for everyone around me. the person i am now? other than a dream for a future to hold on to, i haven't got anything else. i'm cynical, suspicious and i don't trust people. i certainly wish i wasn't so, but i can't help remembering events that happened in the past which made me the way i am today. these memories constantly haunt me. all the more so these few days cos people keep asking me why i am the cynic that i am, and i can't give an answer.
for the umpteenth time, i wish i could forget. i wish it hadn't happened. of all the people in the world, why me? it destroyed me, tore me apart and left me alone to pick up the pieces. and i am still struggling with myself now, to stay away from that deep black abyss. 10 years on, and i still cannot forget. 10 years - it sure has been a long time isn't it? so why am i still holding on to something i'm better off without?
i look at my elvyn richards friends and i can't help feeling envious. i wish i had the sort of openness they have, the carefree spirit, the camaraderie they share. the trust they have in each other, knowing that one could do shit and not have to worry about being left alone cos the rest are always there to help you. it has been so long since i've seen something like this, the sort of people who i am meeting here, in UK. and i am sorry that i wasn't who i am 10 years ago, to share it with them. dan said to me once that he is getting used to having me around, like i've become part of their group. and i feel sad that i can't always be part of this group, because at the end of it all, i will have to leave. and i can't be as open as them, as carefree as them, as trusting as them because i've been burned too many times to be able to open up to someone again. there is a fear, a suspicion which constantly hold me back. at times i feel like letting everything out, and then i catch myself. why?
why? a question i've asked so many times. why me? the only thing i ever really want in this life, i ever desire, is for that one person whom i could trust my entire soul with. the person could be male or female, someone older, someone my age or someone younger. it could even not be a person. just something. but i can't. i fear too much to put myself back out there again, in the firing range.
perhaps another 10 years down the road, i might have changed again? maybe 10 years later, i could come back here again, and see if i am any different from who i am today? 21: something supposed to bring you a new lease of life. but i am still haunted by the past.
-------------------A world Of PeaCe--------------- ; {6:14 PM}
second time posting this. i lost the first one, sigh. sianz.
photos!
starting with fnd...
aida
hui ran
me
aida, ran and me
cognito's dance floor. our fav club for fnd music
us in disco lights at room 1
"charlier's angels" - as aida says
hui ran
me
disco lights! i like the lights and the disco balls
ran trying to fly?!
the power of flash: we became snow whites!
no ran, u may not eat my ear!
bleah! i look stoned! wahahaha~
i love this pic! phwar!
we bumped into cossimo, bruno and annsophie...
with annsophie
with cossimo
dancing man! kawaii!
cool neh?
and the highlight of the night...
lee ryan!
at the end of FND: aida and me
me and hui ran
@@@
at leicester city
the shires shopping center, where i went bankrupt! wahaha~
clock-tower
the shires, another entrance
dominoes, where we found.....
leicester fc merchandise shop! i wanna go to old trafford more!!!!
tower 2
at st. martin's square
leicester station
@@@
isa fancy-dress party at lava bar/fushion!
me, aida and hui ran. we were given fake names and were supposed to find our partners. i'm ginger rogers (note: tag said roberts), whose partner was fred astaire (film classes, eh!). too tired to bother though, and you had to enter a dance competition if you found your partner! can't dance for nuts, wahaahaha. hui ran found her partner though!
me
hui ran and jerry
people dressed-up as greeks
johnny depp, owen wilson and random greek god, anyone? guy who dressed as depp sure looks like him! and he could do the drunken swagger! and when he tried to do an indian dance, it was hilarious!
dance competition! the folks who actually registered for it. guy in pink and his greek goddess partner dance really well! they won!
guy in pink ups the competition by taking off his shirt
two guys dressed as sumo wrestlers dancing. looked like two spinning balls to me!
that's all! phew!
-------------------A world Of PeaCe--------------- ; {4:32 PM}
first off, i'm fine. thanks for being so concerned about me! haha. but i do have friends here who look out for me, so yep! all's well! :D
and WENHUI!!! HAPPY BELATED 21st!!! hope you're having a rocking good time in texas!!! see ya when i see ya, remember to send my your bd wishlist ya?
and yes lay ping, i do remember that your birthday is coming up. although i prolly shdn't remember in case hua flies to UK and chase me around with a erm stick. hee.
ooooh, and i wanna join arts camp this year!!! but but but, it is in june! (or is it early july??) boo! arts camp rocks! darn, can't bully the new freshies. *ahem*
@@@
hmm let's see. i am suffering from serious sleep-deprivation. monday and tuesday night was spent mugging till 2am, wed was woken up, thurs.....
thurs was spent out pubbing with some elvyn folks. prawled the town for pubs, i had a drink at the second one we went to (i have absolutely no idea what the name of this pub is though. the first was orange tree, last was custard bar). probably not a good idea, since these folks are like, superhuman alcohol drinkers. seriously. they down their alcohol like water while i take eons to finish a glass. so what happened was, i was only halfway through my glass of cocktail (blue lagoon - Lou's recommendation) when they promptly declared the need to change to another pub. so i was like, "oh." *stares at glass* and then matt started going on about me needing to finish my glass of cocktail, and so i did the stupidest thing ever by attempting to finish it off as fast as i could. which led to a major headache and slight disability to actually walking in a straight line. ym should stick to VK mixes from now on (i loooove vk tropical! so nice and fruity! out-of-point). so, ym decided to be a good girl and stay away from drinks at the last pub, but ym had to take the customary first sips of whatever drinks her friends ordered. which led to an even worse headache. which led to ym stoning and being out-of-it. which led to hyper ym in an attempt to snap out of the tiredness.
and most of you know hyper ym is not a erm very nice thing. wahahahaaha. this time around, hyper ym resorted to stealing straws from stef and folding a heart (leading to the rest to debate on what it actually was. someone thought it was a duck! -_-"), and which the poor heart was thrown around, with stef being the main target cos the poor guy was sitting directly opposite me. wahahahahaha. birdy is lucky. lou, alex, helen and matt were off into their little couple worlds. haha. but it was fun. although ym should stop being hyper cos it'll ruin her reputation (yes, i know. what reputation, right?).
well, the night didn't end that well though. poor stef was bullied by some idiots at the pub. hope your eye's alright! i'm glad that it took all of us a few minutes of shock and worry before stef ran out of the pub to find the jerks. i shudder to think what would happen if the guys actually found the jerks. but still, the elvyn folks were so nice as to drop me off first before heading back, despite stef's eye. thanks!!! i'm lucky to have people who actually look out and take care of me here, although they really don't have to. for once, i could actually like, relax and not have to worry much about myself or others, cos i know there's like the rest around as well. i can't do that in singapore.
@@@
fri was fnd. it was alright. went with hui ran and aida, pics next time. went for lee ryan's showcase, and we waited over 2 hours for it to start. and when it started, he sang 4 songs only. quite sad really. and poor guy lost his cool on stage cos some idiots threw stuff at him. first was some coin (i think), second was glass. and you could tell he was pissed cos he cursed the guys. then the last song, he forgot the lyrics, so he kinda walked off-stage. and it ended just like that. it would be nice if he had more control and actually thank the rest of us for turning up and waiting, but i guess you can't blame him.
i don't like fnd. it is too crowded and too rowdy. at the showcase, i was in front of the stage and i was being squashed. hui ran and aida were just in front of me, and i had to prevent myself from actually squashing them. so most of the time, i was fighting to support my weight as well as the weight of the crowd behind. and i wanted to yell at the girls behind me to stop pushing. first off, they can't sing. second, they can't dance. third, if there's no space for you to dance, then don't bloody do it! and the girl who kept abusing me kept coughing into my face as well. now i've got a slight cough. thanks a lot ya (note sarcasm).
and then, we went up to lava bar, where we saw this drunk guy lying against the bin and puking into it. ewwwwwww.... and aida and i had a few "lucky" drops of some unknown alcohol spilt on us. when we finally got out of there, i was whacked on the head twice by another jerk whom i should have punched except jerk was holding a fake sword while i had nothing. jerk also had two friends behind him.
and in cognito, some girl spilt her drink on me. i reeeeeaaaaally don't need to be showered in alcohol. and yes, i was quite pissed off by then. wasn't good company last night, sorry girls.
unless i really need to (in which case i prolly lost my mind), i will not go for fnd again. and you have to pay to go for fnd, and for P3.50, i really didn't need the experience i had.
@@@
went to leicester with aida today for some shopping!!! took the train there, was rather tired from fnd but oh wells. i bought a halter from miss selfridge for P9! and a small shoulder bag for P18! the bag's really nice and all, and aida wouldn't let me leave/live if i didn't get it sooo.... haha.
at night, hui ran "dragged" us to the isa party. today's theme was fancy dress, so one had to dress up in costumes and stuff. i couldn't be bothered to cos i was really tired by then, so i just went in casual clothes with the rest. aida calls us "charlie's angels". ahhaahaa. isa parties are fun, it'd be funner if the rest of the sg folks were there too! jerry was there though, and so was joe. poor jerry was suffering from a leg injury, but he still came for this and danced. and limped back. tsk tsk. take care of that leg jerry, if not you can't go to edinburgh with us!
one thing about isa parties: the music. there's a lot of indian music. haha. so, we keep saying our bollywood dancing will become really good! haha. watching how the rest, esp the indians, dance was really funny though! hehe. really interesting. oooh! and we took pictures with "johnny depp" today! haha. the guy who dressed up as him really looked like johnny depp! and he was soooo funny, esp when he tried to do the indian dance. haha. met some nice folks there as well. a guy from belgium, a girl from cyprus, a guy from dubai and his friends.... yep. isa parties are great in that you meet loads of people from all over the world. ooooh, and this really nice girl called beatrice from uk as well! promised to vote for her during the upcoming union elections. she is soooo nice and friendly!
yep, and isa parties are free! if u have the discount card. woot! hehe~ left early though, cos we were tired. but today was rather amusing with all the costumes and stuff. more when i post the pics!!
right, bed time for now. ym needs sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. *goes into hibernation*
-------------------A world Of PeaCe--------------- ; {2:19 AM}
i really don't like the new blogger. seriously. i don't have as much freedom as i did with the old one. *pouts*
@@@
i was woken up at 3am this morning, because something really serious happened. perhaps after reading this, some of you would laugh it off, but to me, this is not something to be laughed at.
i was woken up by loud banging on my room door, and opened it to find katerina(ok, i spelt her name wrongly. this is the original greek spelling) standing outside, begging me to let her in. i did, and she was really distraught. her room-mate had gone for a party and came back drunk, and had brought back a guy. katerina woke up to find the two of them in the room, undressed. if you were to suddenly wake up and find not only 2 naked people in the room, but of which one is a naked stranger, how would you feel? i could understand why she freaked, i would to. and like her, i would have demanded that the guy left the room right away.
but, he refused. and her room-mate refused to let him leave, saying that this is the English experience. whole load of crap, if you ask me. if you want to screw someone, go find a private room. i don't fancy a free R-rated film, thanks. so the poor katerina had to leave her room and ask for help.
what happened after has yet to be resolved, but i sincerely hope that things would turn out fine. katerina stayed over, it is a good thing that my "quilt" is made up of two sleeping bags. the poor girl. i really felt sorry for her, to have to undergo such an experience.
as for me, my sleep-deprived mind gave way to paranoia. i couldn't sleep, my mind wasn't at peace. the worst was when katerina and my room-mate left the room at 3plus am to go find the warden to talk to. i locked the door and kept hoping they'd be fine. i don't trust people easily, and i don't trust the dead of the night. and i don't trust drunks unless i know you really well and i know you won't harm me. even then, i am really careful. so, i was worried for them and the ruckus that happened in the corridor after they left really didn't help matters. i was half-waiting for katerina's room-mate and that jerk to come a-knocking or something.
so when they came back safe, i relaxed. but i feared for katerina. it was only after she fell asleep did i manage to sleep. i wanted to make sure she wouldn't do something stupid like suddenly going back to her room. what if the guy is an aggressive drunk? or worse, decides one girl isn't enough? perhaps i am thinking too much, but this scenario is not impossible. rare, but we could end up as one of the rare ones. one can never be too safe.
this wouldn't have happened if people generally were more considerate to one another. just because having sex out in the open is ok for you, it doesn't mean it is ok for the rest of us. and we really do not appreciate a free movie. it is disgusting.
sadly, the nice girl i thought she was doesn't seem to be so anymore. if she refuses to compromise, i'm afraid my room-mate and i will have to step-in and it could get messy. and ugly.
and at the back of my mind, i can't help wondering if i could have done something more, something about this to stop what happened. i knew she was desperate for a boyfriend, i suspected she was sad, but i didn't know this would happen. but if i had paid more attention, perhaps i could have picked up the signs.
but perhaps isn't going to help me out now.
-------------------A world Of PeaCe--------------- ; {1:58 PM}
it really bugs me how some people assume to know a lot about Chinese culture, tradition and the people, when really they don't know a single thing about it. it also bugs me when they start questioning me about Buddhism and going against it. I don't do that to your religion, if anything, I respect it because I don't believe that one religion is better than another. But to bring in your prejudices and assumptions and accuse me of things that are downright hurtful and untrue, that is too much.
I'm really pissed that this guy actually has the guts to come up to me and say that I am racist against the Japanese just because I am Chinese. why? because some people from China told him that Chinese hate the Japanese. why, hello mister. before you go around and start making such unjust accusations, do get your facts right. I am, first of all, from Singapore, and so that makes me a Singaporean Chinese. secondly, I practice a Japanese martial art. Now, why would someone who hates the Japanese want to learn something that is Japanese? thirdly, there is a reason why some (and note the word SOME) Chinese dislike the Japanese, but that goes all the way back to WW2 and personal grievances and stuff. it is the same as people hating the Nazis for what they did, or in this modern day, the Muslims for terrorism. But essentially, it doesn't apply to ALL of us. in fact, it applies to a minority. I know many muslims - some are even my closest friends - and they are certainly not extremist. if anything, they condemn terrorism. similarly, i do not support those Chinese who decide to go against the Japanese. get your facts right.
and the worst thing? this guy had the guts to come and crash my cny party UNINVITED and eat my food. and then make fun of the entire Chinese New Year tradition in front of me, when I was cooking. hello, go find a wall, bang your head against it and preferably, disappear.
the thing that sucks? i have to be civil. i have to remember to be civil. his friends are my friends and i really like those friends. they're nice and open. it is just him that is the problem.
and i should go for my lesson now. i loooove mr lewis! he is such a nice, fun and interesting teacher! if only there are more of such lecturers in NUS. sigh.
-------------------A world Of PeaCe--------------- ; {2:17 PM}
Happy CNY everyone! it is now the year of the pig! all you tigers out there, this is our golden year! yay!
you folks are lucky. everytime i update this blog, there's photos. since it is cny, here's more photos about the last 2 cny celebs i went for!
sat: at the union
CNY celebration at the student union building was suppose to start at 8pm, with dinner. but, i waited for over 2 hours with my friends, before finally getting the food at like 10plus. sadly, the food sucked. bad reputation for chinese food! anyway, the fun was in teaching the europeans how to use the chopstick. uber funny, i tell ya! *evil evil*
hui ran, cathrina, annsophie and me
the art of chopstick-holding 'tis a dangerous business. there were candles on our table, and well when people try to pick things up with chopsticks and then drop said things, well.... they catch fire. which leads to the rest of us trying to put it out. wahaha
catherina and annsophie posing with chopsticks posing cos the plate of noodles catherina looks like she's eating is actually mine. bwahaha.
joe and me. joe's from vietnam
aida and the outgoing president of singapore society, gavin.
aida, yingzhi, me and gavin
hui ran and me
hui ran, me and aida
wee yong, aida, me and jeremy. all singaporeans.
yingzhi, me and aida
cognito's dance floor. they were playing like, chinese songs before 12 midnight! i walked in with my friends, and we promptly burst out laughing. like, omg. how sad. especially since the song(s) had the irritating high-pitch voice of a taiwanese girl singer.
after the countdown to cny though, the part really started. i think the funniest incident was when i called the elvyn richards peeps to wish them a happy cny and kinda, screamed it into the poor recipient's ears, cos everyone was yelling "happy cny" as well! haha. but yah, the guy then asked me if i was drunk. hahahahhahahahhahahaha~ ym isn't drunk, ym doesn't need to be drunk to get high. hahahahahahahaha. funny, cos i didn't have a drop of alcohol that day. hahahahahahahaha. anyway, cognito's music changed to english (woot! thanks goodness. it wouldn't be so bad if they played better chinese songs in the club, but oh well) hip-hop/rnb and so we hit the dance floor! the pics aren't with me though so gotta wait for the rest to send them over.
anyway, reached back around 2 am.
@@@
the moment i awoke, i started cooking. yes. the first thing i do on cny morning is to cook. cook for what, you ask. why, cook for the cny celebration dinner! 8 dishes o.O! and ym's first foray into cooking! disaster, you say! why, behold!
presenting dish number 1: hainanese chicken rice
dish number 2: stir-fry vegetables (by mel)
dish number 3 (incomplete): thai pineapple fried rice!
dish number 4: omelate! courtesy of mel again!
dish number 5: lemon chicken! (combined effort of yingzhi and me - i just deboned chicken. wahaha)
the complete set of dishes! (minus the fruit salad, which i forgot to take a pic of)
recognize this? yes, it is ym's potato salad! this time with eggs! haha.
cantonese claypot rice
the completed thai pineapple fried rice!
the other pot of potato salad
the dishes again. feeling hungry yet? hehe~
chefs yingzhi and me with the food. i look fat! humph.
the folks from elvyn richards came trotting in at about 7pm, and dinner starts! and of course, what is a chinese meal without.......... chopsticks! and so, the challenge for the night: to eat the food with chopsticks! bwahahahahahaha.
elvyn peeps with their chopsticks!
and a group photo of them! notice how most of them are in red? tee-hee. ym made them wear red/pink. bad bad lou and alex never follow the rule! simon's red jacket was erm... somewhere. matt's jacket hid his red shirt.
annsophie and her 2nd foray into the world of chopsticks!
cossimo, bruno and joan
and the elvyn peeps challenge one another to use chopsticks to eat rice
tom and dave
the other chef of the night: mel!
yushan and me
yingzhi and me
tom (birdy) and an unsuspecting helen matt's been trying to take photos of helen without her knowing it. bwahahaah.
me and catherina
cossimo with a bottle of sprite!
annsophie dancing
simon, birdy, helen and andy
tom, dave, matt
pretty cossimo! wahahaa
and when the pink umbrella reaches you, you strike a pose! what the elvyn peeps call the chinese pose, but which i refer to as the "japanese girls cute pose". in other words, you do the "twist"!
stef. liaoz, what face is that siah!
matt! sadness, the cute girl pose is lost on these guys...
an even disastrous attempt by dave
tom does it with gusto
while andy looks awkward doing the pose. haha
lou tries to look cute but alex spoils it wahaha
smaller mouth, brighter eyes, and you have an ahem cute "girl" pose.
helen does it the best! haha.
this is what i call, the shy "girl" pose. and no birdy, i am not insinuating that you are a girl. wait, maybe i am. hmmm... :p
and the best pose: simon! doesn't he look so cute? haha!
this is taken for mel, who love this person's socks and shoes. guess whose?
the umbrella just won't leave simon alone
and stef strikes a girly pose showing his all-red ensemble. did u guess correctly? and yes, he is wearing a red jumper, red 3/4pants, red socks, red shoes and red ck boxers. to answer your qn, yes stef, you overdid it. haha. but thanks! haha.
stef does another pose, this time with an umbrella. do a marilyn monroe next time! on second thought, maybe not. i still want my sanity. hehe
stef does mel's idea of a singaporean pose. he actually manages to look girlish cute here! but i've never done this extreme pose in sg before... hmmm....
cossimo with the umbrella, trying to spin it!
nian nian you yu!
xing nian kuai le!
alex and stef, playing extreme slaps
and then, we proceeded to celebrate andy's belated birthday with a surprise cake!
andy cutting his cake
stef building another beer tower
andy still cutting the cake. yes those are boobs you see on the cake
andy's cake!
what do you do with an extra piece of cake? smash it into andy's face!
do unto those who do it to you (or something like that) stef gets smashed back
random shot of elvyn peeps again
me and the elvyn folks!
and do the "twist" people! i loooove this pic best! hehe
posing with my mini lanterns and the "fu" (not dimensional, i know) my new top nice? hehe! hot pink and black! i like!
wishing all of you xing nian kuai le...
nian nian you yu!
and with the end of the party comes... cleaning up! siggggggh. haha. okays, off i go now! ciaoz!
-------------------A world Of PeaCe--------------- ; {2:07 PM}
