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Peaceful LIFE.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
taking a break from posting (or trying to) post those photos.
Trip to Hereford and London
well, to hereford was alright. took the train by meself for the first time, 'twas fun! hahaha. and tiring cos had to lug all those stuff but yah, 'twas alright. stayed in hereford for er 3days, didn't do much. unpacked and left some stuff at aunt's place, then went to town and my aunt bought me a nice new top from NEXT! sooo nice! and i received Easter eggs! like, chocolate easter eggs! so exciting, first time! hahaha. sad right, haven't had easter chocolate eggs before. hahaha. one was from thorntons, the other was a cute chocolate lamb from marks and spencer, bought for me by my cousin. awwwwwww....
then it was to east croydon (greater london) on tuesday. took the coach there, by myself too. 4hours! sit until my butt was aching. at first, i sat in this really nice and new coach, but alas, it was too good to be true. was kicked off the coach and transferred to an older and smaller one. boo hoo. not much leg room too. so there i sat for the remainder of the journey. alighted at victoria coach station, found my way to the victoria station, sat there for an hour waiting for my aunt to finish working so that i could take the train to east croydon where she'll pick me up. reached east croydon, met my cousin and we stood there waiting for my aunt. she came, and we went to her house.
typical londoner house i guess. not big, not spacious. but cosy. heh. imagine a rather thin and tall house. yep yep. so there i stayed for 5 days. met her lodger,J, who is a year older than me.
aunt brought me to oxford with my cousin. it was a great place, took loads of pictures. too bad it was for like a day, so couldn't do much there.
in london, i saw the musicals wicked and les miserables. wicked was funny and really good to watch, it is a nice fairy-taleish musical with a lead actress who has a superb voice. gave me goose pimples listening to her hit the high notes. enjoyed it much, perfect to just sit back and relax to. les miserables was amazing. really. it is so darn good! and i fell in love with the male lead's voice. his vocal range, the amount of control, amazing! and the plot, omg sooooo sad i was crying! but it is an amazing musical. really.
i also shopped a lot in london. i bought: a short hooded jacket (short-sleeved) for 12pds, tube top for 2pds, mini denim skirt for 6pds, evening dress for 10pds, wallet for 5pds, peep-toe shoes for 13.50pds and two eyelines for 3pds. that adds up to about 50pds, which is 150sgd. i have never shopped so much since i came to uk. london just has that effect on you. london and mid-season sales.
my last night in london was horrid though. i was upset, traumatised by what happened. i think, i hope i've come to terms with it, but yah, i should have expected that something like that could happen.
i went clubbing with J and another girl, A. my aunt pushed us to go clubbing together, so well we went. it was supposed to just be drinks cos A had to get up early for church stuff the next day, but when the place we ended up in turned out to have a dance floor too, A and J couldnt resist. so we ended up on the dance floor, and this ugly sleazy-looking middle-aged man jumped in between me and the girls and started gyrating towards me, mouthing some words i didnt bother to make out. the look of him disgusted me, what more his actions. and he completely blocked my path to my friends and he wouldnt let me get to them. and what was worse, the girls just stood there laughing and encouraging me to dance with him. i'm like, "wth? no fucking way! not with a sleazy man!" i was not going to lower my morales, club or no club. and i was honestly frightened because i didn't know how to deal with him and his aggressiveness. in the end, i had to like side-step him and squeeze my way to the girls. i was begging them so much to help me, but they didn't. they refused to come over to my side, refused to move from their spot. so i had to find a way to get past the horrid man. and when i did, they refused to change their position. i could have walked off myself, but i don't really fancy being stuck somewhere i am not familiar with. luckily, the guy left me alone. for a while.
he came back again when i took out my camera and stood reaaaaaallly close to me, peeking at my camera and invading my personal space. i was so uncomfortable. and guess what that asshole did next? he took my camera without my permission, took a picture of us and then proceeded to take self-portraits of himself! like, EWWWWW. i have photos of the fucking idiot on my camera!!!! and i had to snatch my camera back from him. and then, he made me take pictures of him! and then i had to take pictures of him and J, who became really uncomfortable. and that was when they decided to get away from that man.
why is it that when i was asking for help, they didn't, but when J needed help, she got it? just because she and A were attached and i wasnt doesn't mean that i should be some loose girl who should get it on with a random dickhead. i refuse to forgo my morals. i was already shaken and upset.
and the night got worse. i had to deal with another sleazy old man who looked somewhat similar to the first guy. there was these two younger men who started dancing with A and J and i was like well, dancing by myself while happily looking at them. then J started becoming uncomfortable with the guy she was dancing with and looked at me for help. so i tried to by dancing with her and she grabbed my hand and held it. and what did that guy do? he shoved my hand away - TWICE! such a bloody jerk. and i would really help J more, but then i had to deal with another asshole who decided to try dancing with me seeing as my two friends were dancing with two guys. i could sense him coming closer and trying to edge in, trying to catch my attention but i purposely ignored him. if i accidentally saw his face, i'd turn and look the other way. anywhere but at him.
but the asshole just would not get it. he still tried to get close, still tried to get my attention and was really starting to piss me off. then when the two guys started talking to the two girls, he decided it was alright to talk to me and his face suddenly appeared in front of mine and he asked, rather uncomfortably close, "hi, what's your name?" with a smug grin on his ugly face. fucking hell, wipe that off, would ya? my reply: "i have to go soon." but A and J were not ready to leave yet, so i couldnt. for awhile, i thought the guy had left me alone for good, but noooooo.
the (i really can't think of any other appropriate word to describe him) FUCKING BASTARD decided it was alright to get it on and started touching my waist! i froze when i felt hands on my waist. i freaked out even more when his hands started going down. i jabbed him with both of my elbows and he let go but guess what? the blockhead just would not fucking leave me alone!!! he started touching me again and thankfully, A declared it was time to go so i happily shoved the guy's hands away without looking at him or saying anything to him, just walked out.
i should have slapped him. i really should have. i was sooo pissed and disgusted. the moment i felt his hands, i felt dirty. i still do. i cannot get the feeling away, each time i happen to remember the incident, i just feel dirty. the worst thing was, there was no one i could turn to for help. no one to depend on but myself. i was honestly afraid. i have never felt so frightened and alone before. i wanted to cry, to scream, to do something. to cause serious injury to the assholes who ruined my night. but mostly, i was deeply hurt and upset that the two girls i trusted (i generally do not go clubbing or drinking with people i just met) betrayed my trust. i cannot believe that not only did they not come to my aid, they found the situation i was caught in humouring. i cannot believe that they actually encouraged me to dance with the guys. i can't. i missed loughborough so much, i missed people like hui ran and aida, people i can club with and trust that i will be safe with and not left alone and helpless in some foreign city in a foreign country. and i had to surpress what i thought and felt because they wouldn't understand, and i didn't want to make it worse. i couldnt think about it or talk about it because no one understood me. i couldn't tell my aunt cos she would find it funny and amusing and she will tell my dad and my mum will find out and hell will break loose. i didn't want to worry my parents. so i surpressed what i thought and felt, smiled and pretended everything was fine. i even tried to lighten the matter by saying instead:" why did i get two old men while you guys got the younger ones? is it cos im look old or im ugly?!" seriously though, i dont know why i was the only one who had to deal with these two sleazy looking men. do i look like im easy or what?
i deleted the first bastard's photos away. but the incident remains in my memory, haunting me. last night was the worst. i couldnt get the bastards' faces out of my mind, the dirtiness i felt. it got to the point that i broke, i had an outburst after dinner with my friends back at lufbra. i just couldnt surpress it anymore. i couldnt keep it locked inside and deal with it alone. i felt better after the outburst, but i still cannot forget the men and the trauma they put me through.
one thing i learnt: i really should just not trust people. they always failed when i needed them the most.
and i am happy, glad, overjoyed and immensely relieved to be back in loughborough, where i feel so much safer. and i dont want to leave so soon....
*edited names 'cos i decided it wasn't fair to well, reveal them.
-------------------A world Of PeaCe--------------- ; {12:44 AM}
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